--Why are prefects buried so deep underground?Well, deep down, prefects are very nice people.
--Define the word happy:A planeload of prefects crash into the Dead Sea.Define the word disappointment:A few prefects supposed to be flying in that plane were absent.
--Whats the difference between "people who sell their body" and prefects?Well, as you can see, the formal can only "play" with one person at a time usually, and the latter can "play" with multiple people (a.k.a giving lines).
--Whats the difference between vampires and prefects?Well, prefects can "play" with multiple people (a.k.a giving lines). A vampire can "play" too (a.k.a suck blood), but only at night =(.
--Little Boy: Mummy, I read about prostitutes...do they ever give birth?Mum: Silly question boy, of course they do! Where do you think all the prefects came from?
--Little Boy: Mummy, do they ever bury two people in the same grave?Mum: Ridiculous! No way!Little Boy: But I read the tombstone over there, it says "Here lies a prefect, and an intelligent man."
--One day, Tom and Jerry were in a hot-air balloon. Suddenly the wind blows them off course. Tom asks Jerry to lower their altitude so they can find out where they are. Tom: I still can't make out where we are.Jerry: Let's ask the man on the ground, go on.Tom: HEY DO YOU KNOW WHERE WE ARE??Man: AHH, You are 200 Metres up in the air in a hot-air balloon!!Tom(to Jerry): That guy is a prefect.Jerry: How did u know?Tom: The info he gave us, although 100% correct, is utterly worthless.
--One bright sunny day, Santa Claus, Tooth Fairy, a well-liked Prefect and a guy on crutches were walking down the street when all 4 of them saw a $1000000 cheque. Who gets it? The lame man of course. The other 3 people are mythological(not real) creatures.
--What happened when Osama (terrorist) hijacked a Boeing 747(big plane) of prefects?He threatened to release one prefect safe and sound back onto Earth every hour if the police did not meet his demands.
--One day a man was driving a truck along the road, and a holy man flagged him down and asked for a lift to the nearby church. He agrees.Then suddenly along the road the man sees a little boy with a prefect badge, and wants to knock him down, but controls himself because there’s a holy man next to him. He swerves real close to the little boy, and yes, just missed him. A split-second later there was a PANG!The man turns to the priest and says "Sorry Father, I somehow knocked down the prefect, but I thought I missed him?"The holy man replies cheerfully, "That's ok son, I caught him hard with the car door, that’s why."
Part II
A man reluctantly attends a prefect's funeral expecting to be one of the one people there, and is surprised to see a HUGE turnout for this one terrible man. He turns to the people around him.
“Why are you all at this funeral?” he asks.
A man turns towards him and says, “We were all told by him to write lines before.”
“Wow... you ALL came to pay your respects?”
“Nah, we came to make sure he was REALLY dead.”
--
A prefect and his wife married, but they don't like each other and want a divorce. But first they must decide who will be the main guardian of their child. The jury asks both the prefect and woman for a reason why they should be the one to keep the child. So the jury asks the woman first. She says, "Well I carried this child around in my stomach for nine months and I had to go through a painful birth process, this is my child and a part of me." The jury is impressed and then turns to ask the prefect the same question. The prefect replies, "Ok, I take a coin and put it in the coca-cola machine and a coca-cola comes out, now you tell me, coca-cola belong to me or the machine??"
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USA President Bush and his assistant were sitting in a bar. A guy walked in and asked the barman, "Isn't that Bush and his aide?"
The barman said, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said, "Hello. What are you guys doing?"
Bush said, "We're planning World War III."
The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said, "Well, we're going to exterminate 10 million prefects and one Singaporean schoolgirl."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a schoolgirl for?!"
Bush turned to his assistant and said, "See, I told you everybody would be more concerned for the girl than the 10 million prefects!"
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If a planeload of prefects crashed into the Dead Sea, who is saved?
The whole world.
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God said, "Let there be the Devil, so people don't blame everything on me. And let there be prefects, so people don't blame everything on the Devil."
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A robber pointed a gun at a man's head and said, "Give me YOUR money."
The gentleman, shocked by the sudden attack, said "You cannot do this, I am a Head Prefect!"
The robber said, "In that case, give me MY money!"
-
A man is sitting on a bench in the park reading a newspaper. Suddenly he throws the paper onto the ground and yells, “All prefects are ***holes!”
A man sitting next to him wearing a tie, high socks, and finely tucked-in shirt says, “I take offense to that!”
The guy asks him, “Why? Are you a prefect?”
“No," he replies, "I'm an ***hole."
-
A prefect with two black eyes walks into church one Sunday. The priest notices him and is very concerned. "What happened, my child?" "I was minding my own business, Father, and I noticed that the girl in front of me had her blouse unbuttoned. So I tried to put it right, and she punched me in the eye." "Okay. But how did you get the other black eye?" "Well, I thought I'd done something wrong. So I put it back how it was."
-
Hercules, Snow White and Tom were sitting at a table talking.
Hercules says, "I think I'm the strongest man in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."
Snow White says "I think I'm the fairest lady in the land but it hasn't been proven yet."
Tom says "I think I'm the most f***ing son of a b***h in the world but it hasn't been proven yet."
The next day Hercules and Snow White are sitting at the table.
Hercules says, "It's true I'm the strongest man in the world for God told me so."
Snow White says, "It's true I'm the fairest lady in the land for God told me so."
Just then, Tom started walking up the road really angry.
He says, "Dammit, I just lost the world record! God told me...never mind, you know what are Prefects?"
-
What do you call a Prefect in Raffles Institution?
Just a visitor.
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Why did the town council build a graveyard across the street from the Prefect’s hostel?
So all the Prefects there can see their future!
-
A Head Prefect & his chauffeur were driving down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road, killing it instantly. The Prefect tells his driver "Go to the farm over there & explain to the owner of the pig what happened."
One hour later, the Prefect sees his driver coming back from the farm. His clothes all wrinkled a bottle of wine in one hand & a cigar in the other. "What happened to you?” inquires the Prefect.
"Well," replies the driver, "the farmer gave me the cigar, his wife the bottle of wine & their 19-year-old daughter made wild, passionate love to me!"
"My God, what did you tell them?" demands the Prefect.
The chauffeur responds; "Good evening. I am Head Prefect’s chauffeur & I have just killed the pig(meaning the Prefect).
-
A farmer invites a prefect to live on his farm. The farmer is sitting in the kitchen when the Prefect comes in from the barn with a large glass of white liquid. He is so excited because he's just milked a cow. Then he takes a big drink from the glass. The farmer just stares at him. "Excuse me, we don't have a cow. We have a bull."
-
One Sunday morning, a Prefect and his mother go to church. Halfway through, the guy tells her mother he feels sick. His mother tells him to go in the bushes behind the church. The Prefect leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if he threw up or not.
''Yes," the Prefect says. "But I didn't have to go all the way around the back. There was a box near the front door of the Church that said “For the Benefit of the Sick”, so I vomited in that.
Part III
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A student calls Kranji Sec General Office and asks, "I want to speak to the Head Prefect." The receptionist says, "I'm sorry, but the Head Prefect died last week." The next day the same student phones the General Office and says, "I want to speak to Head Prefect." Once again the receptionist replies, "I'm sorry, but Head Prefect died last week."
The next day the student makes his third call to the General Office and says, "I want to speak to Head Prefect." "Excuse me," the receptionist says, "but this is third time I've had to tell you that Head Prefect died last week. Why do you keep calling?" The student replies, "Because I love hearing it!"
-
One morning a blind bunny was hopping down the bunny trail, and he tripped over a large snake and fell right on little nose. "Oh, please excuse me!" said the bunny. "I didn't mean to trip over you, but I'm blind and can't see."
"That's perfectly all right," replied the snake. "To be sure, it was my fault. I didn't mean to trip you, but I'm blind too, and I didn't see you coming. By the way, what kind of animal are you?"
"Well, I really don't know," said the bunny. "I'm blind, and I've never seen myself. Maybe you could examine me and find out."
So the snake felt the bunny all over, and he said, "Well, you're soft, and cuddly, and you have long silky ears, and a little fluffy tail and a dear twitchy little nose... You must be a bunny rabbit!"
Then he said, "I can't thank you enough, but by the way, what kind of animal are you?"
The snake replied that he didn't know, and the bunny agreed to examine him, and when he was finished, the snake said, "Well, what kind of an animal am I?"
So the bunny felt the snake all over, and he replied, "You are venomous, you are cold-blooded, you are slimy, you got horrible slit eyes, you got no hair (on a certain part) and you haven't got any balls... You must be a Prefect."
-
A busload of Prefects was driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the prefects. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the prefects had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "HOLY, they were ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they were not dead, but you know, those nasty Prefects love to lie.
-
What's the difference between a prefect and God?
God does not think he's a Prefect.
Prefects think they are God.
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What is the ideal weight of a Prefect?
About 500g, not counting the urn.
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In a murder trial, the prosecution was cross-examining the coroner:Lawyer: Why do you think the Prefect is not dead? Hadn’t you taken the pulse?Coroner: Yes, there was no pulse.Lawyer: Did you listen to the heart?Coroner: Yes, there was not any beating.Lawyer: Did you check for breathing?Coroner: Yes, he was not breathing.Lawyer: And didn’t he show any signs of living?Coroner: Well, let me put it this way. The Prefect's brain, heart and testicles (male anatomical area) are sitting in a jar at the morgue, but the body is missing. But no matter, we all know Prefects don’t need them to be able to function properly. He could be outside giving lines to people for all we know.
-
A Prefect telephoned the Principal just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency.
"So, what is it?" grumbled the principal. "The Head Prefect has just died" said the prefect, "and I want to take his place." The principal replied, "Well, it’s ok with me if it’s ok with the undertaker, if you really want to take his place in the coffin."
-
In a small town a volunteer worker noticed that the most successful Prefect in the whole town hadn't made a contribution to the needy. This guy was making about $666,666 a year so the volunteer thought, "Why not call him up?""Sir, according to our research you haven't made a contribution to the needy, would you like to do so?"The prefect responds, "A contribution? Does your research show that I have an invalid mother who requires expensive surgery once a year just to stay alive?"The worker is feeling a bit embarrassed and says, "No shit, I'm...""Does your research show that my sister's husband was killed in a car accident? She has three kids and no means of support!"The worker is feeling quite embarrassed at this point. "Oh man, I'm terribly sorry...""Does your research show that my brother broke his neck on the job and now requires a full time nurse to have any kind of normal life?"The worker is completely humiliated at this point. "I am sorry sir, please forgive me..."”I don't give them a single cent, so why should I give to you?!"
-
An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing.A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready."All set back here, Captain," one flight attendant said, "except the prefects are still going around giving lines to people who talk.
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A physician, an engineer, and a prefect were discussing who among them belonged to the oldest of the three professions represented. The physician said, "Remember, on the sixth day God took a rib from Adam and fashioned Eve, making him the first surgeon. Therefore, medicine is the oldest profession."The engineer replied, "But, before that, God created the heavens and earth from chaos and confusion, and thus he was the first engineer. Therefore, engineering is an older profession than medicine."Then, the prefect spoke up. "Yes," he said, "But who do you think created all of the chaos and confusion?"
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A prefect was filling out a job application when he came to the question: "Have you ever been to jail?"He answered no to the question.The next question, intended for those who answered the preceding question with a yes, was "Why?"
Nevertheless, the prefect answered it "Never got caught."
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Do you know how to save a drowning prefect?Take your foot off his head and let him surface.-Do you know how to save a drowning prefect?Did you just say no? Excellent!
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Why are prefects like nuclear weapons?
If one side has one(power to punish), the other side will want to even up.-
Why are prefects like nuclear weapons?When they reach school, they **** the surrounding area.
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What's the problem with prefect jokes?Prefects don't think they're funny, and no one else thinks they are jokes, they find it’s really true.
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Define the word “Happy”
When a car full of prefects drive off a mountain cliff.
Tell me an incident when you laughed until you cried.
When you discover they stole your brand new Mercedes to crash down the mountain.
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What do honest prefects and UFOs have in common?
You always hear about them, but you never see them.
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Why is going to a meeting of the Prefect Association like going into a fish bait shop?A: Because of the abundance of suckers, leeches and maggots around.
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When there are too many policemen, there can be no liberty;When there are too many soldiers, there can be no peace;When there are too many prefects, there can be no justice.
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There was once two good friends, Tom and a Prefect (ironic isn’t it?).
Suddenly they both were in a car when there was a car crash; they died and went to heaven.
Tom was disappointed to find out that his Prefect friend hadn’t made it to heaven. He asked the gatekeeper if he could see him. “I have heard Hell is not a good place, but I would like one last look at my friend. Please?” The gatekeeper of Heaven agreed.
Magically, he drew open a curtain and Tom saw his friend drinking delicious beer and playing with some hot women. Tom could not believe this. “What, that’s what happens in Hell? I thought Heaven was a better place?”
The gatekeeper sighed, and said “Things aren’t that nice at first glance... See that beer barrel? It has got a hole. See all those hot babes? They ain’t got holes.”
haha.... signing off.. xiao bianzx.
